Stop Forcing It!

After my, "Am I Molly?" post, I reached out to my play big brother Papa for a "keepin' it real" session. Just to give you all some context as to what I am about to delve into, I transcribed our conversation below. The message that keeps ringing loud in my ear is "stop forcing it!"

Note: I have received Papa's permission to share our conversation below as long as he gets 3% of any and all profits made of the blog post. I'm done with him!


Papa: Don't worry about the guys so much. It can be frustrating, but it can also consume you in a bad way. The blessing usually comes when you're not looking for it. Take this time to get to a point where you know yourself, so well, that someone who doesn't fall in line with your criteria stands no chance to waste your time. You don't need just any man. You need a true companion; and that companionship has to comply with who you truly are at the core. You'll be fine. Me: Thanks, Papa! That's what I needed to hear. Did you read my blog post? Papa: I saw something on Instagram. We all want companionship, but you can't force it. You've got too much going for you to let a guy, that's not fully onboard, intrude in your space. He could disrupt the God given route of your pre-destined journey; if he's not aligned. And what happens when a cars alignment is off, it drifts in an undesired direction. Me: Facts! Papa: There are multiple reasons why it's difficult. In your mind, maybe you have a certain idea or vision of what that companionship should look to you. Maybe, you think that naturally at this stage in your life, you are supposed to have companionship because it's the order of life. Or maybe, you have aspirations of being a wife and having a family because it gives you a sense of completion; or maybe it's a combination of these things. The point is, the better you know yourself, the more you'll know how much you deserve. To have what you deserve with someone that is deserving. Having to exercise patience sucks, but it will be worth it.

Me: Yea. I think the biggest thing is knowing who I am, what I want, and what I deserve. Keeping those things at the forefront of my mind will allow me to identify, right off the back, when something is not right for me. Papa: Exactly, son son.


After this talk with Papa, I decided to walk away from a good guy I was recently dating.

Why? You may ask.

Well, we dated for the past eight months. In the last leg of our dating cycle, we just weren't on the same page. We both liked each other and enjoyed one another's company, but we weren't headed in the same direction. I wanted to work towards an "us" and he didn't want to cross that line. He wasn't ready, and that's ok.

Sometimes, you can really like a person, but the timing and individual’s intentions don't add up. I remember things between us becoming awkward and felt forced. I don't want to be in a situation where I am forcing someone to be with me. After two or three conversations of us stating where we both were individually at the time, I decided it was best for us to part ways. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too; however, I eventually wanted more. I guess my transparency and directness about what I wanted was placing too much pressure on him to move in a direction that he wasn't ready for with me.

Look, I don't know if the above conversation with Papa was my "Ah ha" moment or not. Only time will tell! I have come to realize that dating is not about rushing into a serious commitment. It's about enjoying the journey with each person you meet. Whether that be for a short or long period of time. I may meet a cool person who ends up being a really good friend. On the other hand, I may meet the man God has intended for me. There is no formula to it. The only thing that has remained constant is that once you know who you are and what you want, everything else will fall into place on God's time.

Lesson learned. I move forward with peace, love and a better perspective on who Kea is and what Kea wants.




*Blog was edited by Abel Mezemer


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